Be cool, I told myself, roughly ten-thousand times a day. I showered Kristen with affection and praise, went out of my way to act supportive, and never once voiced a negative thought or feeling. After we were married, and we were living together around the clock, Kristen began to understand exactly what was hard to love about that guy: he wasn’t entirely real.
By our third anniversary, the illusion I’d created had been shattered…
Many men with AS are unaware they have the disorder, and in that case it’s far easier to spot. Enduring repetitive verbal abuse and witnessing adult tantrums has become a routine event. He denies to this day that he has done anything wrong…
With that said, here are the signs: have lived with an AS spouse for 14 years. AS individuals learn coping behaviors that allow them to “act” their way through social situations and personal intimacy, but that they don’t actually invest any feelings or emotions in them. He is a high-achieving professional but lacked the capacity to understanding that his actions and words were deeply damaging.
”alking with my ex-husband is like smashing my head against a wall or drowning in a river.
We were not talking the same language and misunderstandings were the rule.
People with Asperger’s syndrome do not possess “Theory of Mind” abilities, which means they aren’t able to recognize and understand the thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions of other people in order to make sense of their behavior.
Many study the words and behavior of NT people around them, and copy it.
They learn exactly what they should do and say in a romantic relationship, since none of it comes naturally to them.
The result is a person who is “mindblind,” which means blindness to another person’s needs, feelings and desires.
This adversely affects the important quality of empathy, which is vital to a successful and fulfilling relationship.