While so much is written about what happens to women’s bodies when they hit 50 (their breasts and bottoms head south, their tummies never recover from having children, they have stretch marks, cellulite and sagging flesh), very little is said about what happens to men’s bodies at a similar age.
Without going into too much detail in a family newspaper, let’s just say their wobbly bits droop as far and as fast as a mother-of-six’s breasts.
The pattern is always the same: rich, successful older man pairs up with unknown young woman.
But after the first flutter of love and £50 notes, do these women really have any idea what is in store for them?
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If you go by our philosophy, you will certainly appreciate the vocabulary I’m about to present in this lesson.
You only have to look closely at the picture of Ronnie Wood to see what they’re in for.
They’re obsessed with their libidos (or lack of them), their cholesterol levels, their blood pressure, their prostates.
They insist they’ve had a stroke or a heart attack when it’s just heartburn from eating too much.
He’s not only dyed his hair, he’s also dyed his eyebrows.
But while this may knock off a few years when he’s dressed, when he revealed himself in all his wrinkly majesty, Ms Humphreys will have discovered that he’s not a natural brunette, if you catch my drift.